$850 can buy a lot of shoes!!!!

Throughout the years, my life has changed dramatically. I went from being an unpopular over-achiever in High School, to a slutty college freshman, to the social glue of my graduate class, to a wife (albeit briefly), to a copier sales person, and onto today where I am an Analyst at CCAFS. I've had ups, downs, no money, no friends, then enough money, great friends. I've grown by leaps and bounds and my self worth has increased tenfold. But despite all this change, throughout all the uncertainty in my life, there was always one thing I could count on...one stable fact in my life that is unwavering: MY TEETH SUCK.

That's right. After boldly walking into the dentist's office yesterday (and I say boldly, because I know I will not leave there with good news), I now have another scheduled root canal in mid September. This will be my fourth. And no matter how much I prepare myself for the inevitable, I still get sticker shock every time I am given the bill for this procedure. For some reason, dental insurance doesn't cover as much as health insurance? I'm not really sure why, but I have been in the hospital a total of one time for a tonsillectomy, and more than a dozen times for cavity fillings, wisdom teeth removal, and root canals. Looks like I am getting the short end of the stick here. Case in point, my root canal will cost me $850 out of pocket. Really. $850 that my insurance doesn't cover for this procedure.

So after wiping away my frustrated crocodile tears and calling my Dad to thank him for the crappy genes (both my parents have horrible teeth...my Dad has had a full set of false teeth since he was 25, and my Mom has more crowns than the queen of England!), I got in my car and drove away, praying some small animal would run out into the road and I could take out my anger on it.

For those of you with perfect teeth out there, first I'd like to say suck it, and then I'll tell you a little about the procedure I will endure. First I will be shot to hell with novacane so I supposedly will not be able to feel the ensuing pain. Then my mouth and lips are stretched to capacity, causing bruising, cracking and bleeding. Next holes are drilled into my tooth the expose the root canals. These canals must be completely cleared of any decaying tissue, so advanced dentistry scientists decided that the best way to do this is to insert rebar-like cylindrical files of varying size to sandpaper it out. No lasers, no computers, just good old fashioned elbow grease.
The hollow tooth is then filled with goo and a crown is put on a few weeks later. In the mean time, I must avoid food on this tooth at all costs. On the bright side, I will probably lose weight because I will be too scared to eat.

As crappy as this procedure is, the most pain I will feel is in my wallet. I have done so well at getting my credit card bill down by paying $500 a month. I'm halfway there to being credit card debt free dammit! I knew my delightful momentum would come to a crashing halt sometime...I just hoped it would be later rather than sooner.

And what do I have to look forward to in the years to come...more expensive root canals. No amount of brushing, flossing, or rinsing can take away what DNA has implanted in me since birth. In Genesis Chapter 7:5, God said, "let her teeth be feeble and may her roots develop leprosy"...and so it was. So every few years I can expect a nice dip in my finances and a lovely porcelain crown as a parting gift. You know, they say the profession with the highest rate of suicide is dentistry, but I think that these so-called "suicidal" dentists are just victims of irate patients who have had 4 overpriced root canals and see no end in sight. The Crime Scene units always wonder how a person can poke himself with a rebar-like cylindrical files until he bleeds to death, but the note he leaves never lies.

And now for the opinion question of the day...shockingly, and it's related to dentistry:

Seriously, why do dental insurance companies only cover like 50% of a root canal?

I have had three or 4 separate corporate dental plans, and there's never even an option for "full dental coverage". I would pay the extra money for it dammit! Thoughts?